The Eightfold Path
by bewarethemelodrama
Summary: You can't explain away every thought, action, behaviour, reaction, want, or need. Even if something seems like it may be a mistake at the time, it is no one's place to judge the path of another's life. Because you never know where it will lead. - I own nothing but the chicken scratch.
1. Chapter 1

After I wrote 'Last' in the Alphabet Challenge, a couple of ideas appeared to me. One, was to start a story at what would normally be the end of it. And it's been lingering for so long now that something had to be done. So, I present to you: 'The Eightfold Path'.  
The second idea is really based on a somewhat unpopular concept: That there are worse things you can do to someone than cheat.

**The Eightfold Path**

_**Chapter One**_

Max sat, staring at the ring glinting on her finger. The diamond was beautiful. Ridiculous, impractical, sure to attract exactly the wrong kind of attention, but beautiful. She swirled the straw in her glass and watched the light above the bar reflect off the gem on her finger with each slow circle. She had been sat like that for an hour and a half, and the glass before her was her sixth. She knew her damn transgenic metabolism meant she would need to double that number again before she felt drunk enough to deal with this. Any of it.

She contemplated going home. Or going back to Logan's. The chunk of carbon on her finger seemed like a fairly good indication she'd be welcome there. But then, that was why she was in the bar in the first place. Going back to him, and his expectations and hopeful, happy eyes, would not help clear her head.

Because she had said yes.

And she didn't know why.

She knew that she loved Logan. She had loved him for a long time. He was a good guy: solid, dependable, moral, idealistic. He loved her. He had waited for her, even when she had tried her hardest to push him away. He had believed in her when everything around them had started to fall apart. He saw the good in her where others didn't. He saw through the Commanding Officer routine, the fierce and tough exterior she used to deal with so many situations in their broken world. He was charming, and worldly. He was smart, and cultured. On the shallow side, he was an attractive man. He dressed himself well and took care of his appearance. She knew he would put all of himself into being a fantastic husband, and if it ever came to it, he'd be a brilliant father. Any of these reasons would have been enough for so many girls.

So why did she feel so distant? Why hadn't she phoned Cindy immediately after, shrieking and excited like any normal girl?

Why was this so difficult for her to process?

Maybe she was a masochist. Hardwired, whether by scientific manipulation or carefully constructed internal barriers, to never be truly happy. She almost snorted at herself. At the grandiosity of the statement, and how ultimately pathetic it made her seem.

Quickly, Max tugged the ring from her finger and palmed it into her jacket pocket. She couldn't look at it any more. At everything that it symbolised. The value of her relationship. The emotional detachment that she would always, at least in part, blame Manticore for coding into her.

Family meant the world to her. Finding hers, re-uniting with them, learning about them and consequently herself. So why was she shrinking from the idea of creating a new one? Why did the idea of having a husband, maybe starting a family, feel so alien?

Why did it bring out the urge to escape and evade?

Love, Max decided, taking another long, slow sip of her whiskey, was maybe just as complicated as she had always thought. Even when it was going exactly the way everyone had always told her that it should.

"You hiding from me?" Max started at the voice, then relaxed when she looked up and saw Alec.

"Not you personally," she assured him. "Just the world at large."

"Ah." He conceded. "Understandable."

"I'm glad you understand it." She said, with maybe a touch more bitterness than she would have liked.

"Okay." He said slowly. "Maybe I don't after all. What's up?"

"Nothing." She answered quietly. Then a sigh. Small. Equally quiet. "Everything. I don't want to talk about it. You wanna just drink with me?" He looked down at the tumbler in her hand.

"It must be bad," he stated, nodding at it. "You're on the hard stuff tonight. Can't remember the last time I saw you drink anything except light beer."

"I had wine with my food at Logan's earlier." She corrected him automatically.

"Ah," he nodded again. "So this is Logan's doing?" Max gritted her teeth before she said anything she regretted. She wasn't sure what had happened at Logan's yet, let alone how to explain it to Alec of all people. A few hours ago she and Logan hadn't even officially been a couple. She turned to look at him.

"Do you want to drink or not?" Alec held in a smirk.

"You buying?" he asked.

"Sure." She agreed, turning away again. She signalled the bartender and when he came toward them pointed at Alec. "Add it to my tab, okay?"

Alec ordered a double scotch and pulled the stool beside her closer as his drink was poured. He accepted it with a low "Thanks," and sat.

To his credit, he gave her a full ten minutes of silence before he began to fidget and look over at her. But she found that she didn't mind. That she was maybe done with quiet for the moment anyway.

There was a strange, unfamiliar feeling in her chest. An energy, building and pounding against her ribs to be released. She downed what was left in her tumbler, wondering if it was because of the alien pressure that made her just so desperate to do… god. Just _something_. To break away from the stress she'd been hiding from all night. Push it down and smother it under something better. She caught Alec's eye, and there was a glint there that made her wonder if he was feeling something similar. If he could possibly feel the same kind of ache. For excitement. For fun. For oblivion. To be lost in anywhere, anything, but here and now.

She didn't know what made her do it, the same unfathomable urge perhaps, but one minute she was sitting beside him, and the next she was reaching for his face and pulling it to hers. And then she was kissing him, and he was letting her.

Her first thought was that his mouth was hot on hers. Her second was that, well, that shouldn't have been her first. But then she forced it away. Pushed her thoughts away entirely actually, and tried to let her instincts take over.

Tried, for the first time in a long time, to lose herself in something.

He was holding back, she could feel it. Where she was on fire, it was like a forest fire hitting a cliff side. Full of heat. Pounding. Beating against it. Unstoppable. But to little discernible impact. She didn't know why, but she wanted him to be malleable in her hands. To react. To be moved. Though he wasn't pushing her away, he wasn't pushing into her either. The doubt, or maybe it was guilt, began to grasp for air again. She dragged herself back together, though as soon as her mouth left Alec's she felt as though she had lost something there. That some unknowable piece of her had broken off in the kiss. Her heart was pounding, and she allowed herself a brief moment before she met Alec's eyes.

She expected an instant snarky comment, but none came. Instead she saw hazel eyes searching her face and a curious expression. She pressed her lips together, and saw him swallow once, his Adam's Apple bobbing. She made a move to pull back from him, but his hand was suddenly on her upper arm. He wore a questioning frown.

"I want to ask why, but…"

"I don't want to talk about it." She finished for him. He nodded and didn't question her further. He was Alec, he knew better. Probably knew he wouldn't like the answer. The hand on her arm moved to her face, and he stood from his stool. He took a step toward her, eyes still questioning. When she didn't pull away, and angled her head to look up at him, he dipped his head down, closer to hers. Still she didn't pull away. She didn't think that she could if she wanted to. She could barely breathe. The scent of him was all around her now, and his palm was scorching on her skin. When her eyes fluttered closed, Alec knew he had his permission.

She felt his breath whispering over the curve of her mouth before his lips touched hers again, and then the wildfire was back.

It could have been minutes, it could have been days that Alec stood in that spot and kissed her. It could have taken seconds, or it could have taken weeks for everything around them to melt away. Max could feel her pulse in her lips wherever he kissed her, with a level of softness that she never knew he possessed. She let her hand creep onto his waist, her thumb massaging his oblique, and the tiny circles made his breath catch in his throat. She allowed herself a moment of smugness that she had elicited a reaction from him, and he smiled against her mouth, like he knew what she was thinking. Which he probably did.

Because he was Alec.

He pressed in towards her, pushing her knees apart so he could stand between them, and reached a hand up behind her to wind his fingers through her hair. His mouth was rougher now, like he was memorising her. The shape of her mouth, the curve of her lips, the taste of her tongue. She knew she probably tasted like whiskey, but he did a little too, so Max found she didn't care so much. His fingers traced fire trails on her scalp, and Max felt her face flush. She felt her entire body flush. He was breathing flames into her. She opened her eyes, and saw his were closed. It felt strange, but also wonderful. Then she spotted a waiter staring at them, and remembered where they were. What they were doing. Who they were. That anyone else might see them too.

She managed to put her hands on his chest, and pushed him back gently. His eyes opened immediately and looked at her questioningly. But there was a hesitance there too. A nervousness that just wasn't like him. She felt the need to reassure him.

"Want to get out of here?" she whispered. He relaxed immediately.

"My place is closest." He suggested, matter-of-factly. She nodded and smiled at him. As she stood, he picked up the leather jacket she had discarded when she first got there, and in a moment of unexpected chivalry, helped her put it on. He took her hand and led her out of the bar. A few people glanced at them as they passed, one a former Jam Pony employee, but they were mainly ignored. Once outside he draped an arm over her shoulder, a familiar gesture now, but still one she hadn't got used to, and pointed just up the street to where his bike was parked. She pressed the back of her head into his arm to indicate the fenced off parking lot beside the bar.

"Guess this is where we separate." She said quietly. Because for some reason she really didn't want to. She wanted to hide in Alec's arms for eternity. The thought of stepping out of their pocket of warmth was too sobering. Like she'd rethink everything. Remember who she was and what she was doing. Panic. Run. He turned and pulled her into his chest. Laid a quick kiss on her temple before saying,

"You can go home if you want. If you're rethinking all this. I won't mention it, or judge. I just…" he put one hand under her chin and tilted her face up to look at him. He was smiling, and Max could see he meant what he said. There was no sarcasm or vitriol there. Just gentleness. His look was more comforting than any embrace. She went on her toes, and gently brushed his lips with hers.

"I'll meet you at your apartment." She promised. She forced herself to pull away from him and shrug off the chill that ran over her. Tried not to think about what she had seemingly promised him. What had she? She didn't think she even really knew. All she knew was that tonight, she wanted her companion. She wanted to be with him.

His apartment was only a few blocks away, and they made it there in less than five minutes. She locked her bike up beside Alec's in the cage he'd constructed at the bottom of his building, and followed him up the stairs. He held the door open for her and locked it behind them. Max found herself standing in his living room awkwardly, feeling out of place in the familiar surroundings. Why had she come here? Was she really going to do this? She touched the ring in her pocket and felt sick. Sick that she wanted to be here. That the prospect of his touch thrilled her. Made her feel more than she'd been able to feel in a long time.

She gripped the top of the couch, steadying herself against the whirlwind in her mind. But her awkwardness melted away as she felt Alec's hands slip around her waist. His body pressed against her back and she felt the heat rise into her face. She knew her face must be flushed, and was glad for the low light in the room. His palms were flat against her abdomen, fingers moving in slow circles. Otherwise he was still. Waiting quietly for her to decide. To show him it was safe to press forward. Whether it was acknowledged aloud or not, there was a part of both of them that knew Max had the bigger struggle to face here. That she still had the connotations of Ben lingering over her, along with the conflict of Logan.

Of course, there was no way that Alec could know how big the conflict had become.

Was it fear, now, that was making Max want to destroy everything she and Logan had worked so hard towards? Or was it doubt she felt, niggling in because of this promise of a new future? A new commitment that maybe she wasn't sure was wanted. Not yet.

Not ever?

The warmth of Alec's breath on the back of her neck drew Max back into herself, and her heart began to race as he planted a soft kiss on the curve of her throat, above the collar of her jacket. She realised that she had dropped her head to the side slightly, and the fingers of her left hand were now laced with his on her stomach. With a quiet exhale, she dropped her head further to the side, granting him further access. His fingers tightened around hers, and his lips traced an invisible track up her neck. With her free hand, Max drew down the zipper of her jacket.

**Author's Note:  
**  
Chapter 2 coming soon. Extended (read: slightly smutty-ish, though I'm hardly the queen of that kind of writing) version of this chapter will be available on my Archive of Our Own profile in due course also (see my profile for the link). Still needs some tweaking before I'll consider it upload-able though.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter Two**_

Max realised, as pink dawn peeked through the blinds and she crept from Alec's bed, more concerned about her quiet escape than modesty, that this was the first time she had ever been inside his bedroom. She wasn't sure why it surprised her, but it did. She quickly located her jeans and underwear at the foot of the bed, and tugged them on. She kept one eye on Alec, trying to note any changes in his breathing and spot any indications that he was waking. It remained steady. She tried to remember where her shirt had been dropped, and spotted it on the floor by the door.

She had never been so stealthy on any mission in her whole damn life as she was crossing the short space between the bed and the door.

And the bastard was awake anyway.

She whirled on him as she tugged the vest top over her head, foregoing her bra until she could find it, and glared accusingly. It was a tiny thing really, just a second too short a gap in his breathing, but for Max it was a giveaway.

"Were you even asleep when I woke up?" She crossed her arms over her chest and scowled at him, and he opened his eyes sheepishly.

"No." he answered honestly. "But I sorta knew you would want to make a sneaky getaway. Thought I'd make it easy on you." Max didn't really know what to say to that.

"Oh." She said shortly. She crossed back over and sat on the edge of the bed beside him. "Um, thanks?"

"No problem." He pushed himself up with his elbows, and sat up to face her. His shirt was in the other room, somewhere near the sofa if she remembered correctly, and she felt her cheeks flush as the bed sheets fell to uncover his tanned chest and stomach.

It was as if her brain had short-circuited. She forgot what she was doing, and tried to school her expression to neutral as she remembered the feeling of those sun-kissed abs. Did he go to a damn tanning salon? Alec gave a tiny smile, too unsure to be his usual cocky grin.

"Unless you're rethinking the getaway part?"

She was.

Until she looked behind her and saw her leather jacket on the floor by the couch.

Jacket. Pocket. Diamond. Logan.

She went still.

"Alec." She stopped. Forced herself to breathe. She couldn't look at him. "Logan and I…"

"Don't." he cut her off quickly, like he had expected it. She could hear in his voice that the smile was gone. "I get it, okay? You and Logan are you and Logan. Don't hate yourself for this. Do you hear me? Don't do it."

"I..." Max knew he was trying to help, but she just couldn't take it. What she had done was catching up to her, and quickly. Because she did hate herself, and she hated him for not having the strength to reject her. But she didn't, too. She couldn't hate him for that. She hated that her willpower had failed her. It felt too much like weakness. And she hated that part of her wasn't sorry. Because it had been fantastic.

"This was not a... well thought through thing, granted. But it doesn't make you a terrible person, okay?" He was still trying to make her feel better, not knowing how much harder he was making it. "There are worse things you can do to a person than... this."

"Than cheating, you mean."

"I guess I do."

"I didn't think that I was this person." She said hollowly.

"Max, did you not hear me?"

She looked at him, sharply, distress and confusion etched in her features.

"I feel worse that I don't care, than about what I've done."

"What we've done." He corrected her.

"What did Manticore do to us? That I can't even feel guilt about such a huge thing? What did they do to us?"

"Max..." he wanted to argue with her. That she must feel guilt, or she wouldn't be so distressed. That she wouldn't be able to feel anything if she truly didn't care. Her next words stopped him.

"He proposed. Yesterday. Logan proposed to me. I said yes," Alec's eyes had gone wide. He felt like the air had been sucked from the room. Max nodded toward the living room and their shed clothes, "the ring is in my jacket pocket. Some kind of family heirloom."

"You're engaged." It was a statement. An enormous, grotesque statement. "You let this happen, knowing full well that... why did you have to tell me that, Max? That makes what I did, what **we **did, so much worse."

"I know. But you'd have found out anyway." He grabbed her arm and forced her to look at him.

"That's not the problem," he growled, "you know that. I'm not that guy. I don't do... you told him you would **marry** him. You know what means? You're promising to love him, and be with him, and be faithful to him until one of you is **dead**. You are promising him a home and a family and a wife. He's hardly my friend, but I don't mess with that. Promises, those kind of relationships. I am **not** that guy." Tears were stinging Max's eyes, but they were for Alec. She knew everything was unbelievably screwed up here. She felt more sorrow and guilt over this man, the semblance of her dead brother who was so different he was almost unrecognisable, than over her fiancé waiting for her. She reached out to him and laid a hand on his chest. Her eyes were so full of grief and pain that he let her.

"I don't think you are. But... we can't take this back. Don't hate yourself for this." The echoed words were sincere. "You didn't know. This is on me, not you. I'm the bitch here. You're a good guy, really."

"I'm not that good," he whispered. _I still slept with you when I knew you were involved with someone else. Even now, I wish it could happen again. _He couldn't bear to voice those words aloud. To make this worse with them.

Max didn't know what to say to that, and Alec could see it as clearly as if it was on a plaque around her neck.

"Just go." He said, his voice rasping slightly as he choked out the words.

"Alec, I…" he stopped her by cupping her face in his hands.

"Maxie, you need to go." He closed his eyes tightly for a moment, and Max couldn't begin to name the expressions warring for dominance there. He opened them and exhaled heavily, then leant his forehead against hers. "This never happened, okay? We can get over this, you don't need to let it affect your engagement." The last word was clipped. To Max it was a parting shot, and she didn't blame him for it at all. He gave her a brief kiss on the forehead and gently pushed her back. It was her dismissal, and she took it.

Max was impressed with how calmly she managed to leave Alec's apartment. That anyone watching her would never know how her brain was pounding against her skull as her conscience screamed like a banshee inside. She swung her leg over her motorcycle and felt the familiar rumble as she kicked it into life. Only when she had her helmet securely on, darkened visor obscuring her face, and only when she was four blocks away and knew that no one had followed her, did she let some of the emotion out. First a prickling behind her eyes, and then a wetness on her cheek, and then she was powering through a checkpoint and out onto a road heading out of Seattle. Away from men and life and civilization. Away from proposals and one night stands with a man who was too much a part of her life to ever only be a one night stand. He was her best friend, her support, her companion. The one who understood it all. The one who'd been through it too.

She pulled onto a dirt track that led into dense woodland, and when she was far enough in that she could sense only vegetation and forest creatures around, she stopped her bike, took off her helmet, and started to scream.

It was a feral, desperate sound. Punctuated with sharp gasps for breath and her voice breaking. She pulled her hands through her hair, tracing where Alec's fingers had been only a few hours earlier, hard enough that she had to consider whether she had pulled some out. She stumbled from her bike, onto her knees in the wet leaves and mud. She choked back another scream. It sounded like a sob.

Enough was enough.

She pulled herself to her feet, mud and leaves clinging to the front of her jeans. She didn't bother to wipe them away, but grabbed her bike and heaved it up from where it had fallen. She put her helmet on again, and climbed back onto her bike. As she brought the Ninja's engines to a dull rumble, she swore to herself that she wouldn't break like this again. That she would go back, and deal with the mess she had made.

She touched the pocket that still held the ring, but she couldn't bring herself to put it on yet.

First, she needed to do the first 'normal girl' thing of the night. The first right thing. The thing she should have done straight away.

She was going to see Cindy, and she was going to pray to the first god who would listen that she didn't lose two best friends over this.


	3. Chapter 3

_A bit of girl time. Just because._

_**Chapter Three**_

Cindy was painting her toenails when Max got to her apartment. She had the day off work, and as it was a Saturday, had decided to spend the majority of the daylight hours primping to get ready to go out that night.

"Oh, boo, what have you got yourself into?" Max stopped mid-stride.

"I… what?" Cindy couldn't know already, could she? Had Alec told her?

"You look like you been mud-wrestling in the woods, girl. Look at your legs." Max looked down at her legs numbly, and realised that the mud and leaves had crusted there. Attractive.

"Oh." She said shortly. "You got a pair of sweats I could borrow?" Cindy raised an eyebrow.

"Original Cindy does not do _sweat_pants. But she does have some seriously comfy booty shorts from a sports themed party a couple months ago." Max smiled.

"Well luckily for you, I shaved my legs yesterday, so I will take up that offer." Cindy nodded and grinned at her.

"Middle drawer in the dresser in your old room." She pointed to the door with the nail polish in her hand. "I'd get 'em for you, but I ain't finished my art work here." Max laughed.

"No problem, Cin." She walked the few short paces into her old room and pushed the door half closed. It felt strange being in there, after so many months of living in TC. It had been her apartment once. Then came Kendra. Then Cindy. The whole apartment was Cindy's now, so it made sense that she had moved into Max's old room and out of her curtained section. It was barely recognisable as the Spartan quarters she had once kept.

The walls were purple. There was a big, ornate mirror over the dresser, and Max recoiled slightly at the image reflected in it. There was mud on her face and what looked like a couple of small twigs in her hair. She yanked them out and ran her fingers through the knotted locks, wincing when her hand snagged. She gently teased out the tangles, and then grabbed the grey and orange shorts that were the only remotely comfortable or athletic looking garment in the middle drawer. There were a few lycra numbers in there, but Max was pretty sure that they weren't what Cindy had in mind. Or that anyone would describe them as 'comfy'.

She ducked into the small bathroom to pull off her muddy jeans and shimmy into the shorts. She took a couple of minutes to wash her face and another couple to just stare into the bathroom mirror. She couldn't figure out what the hell she was going to say to her best friend. What does a normal girl do in this situation? What should she lead with, the engagement or the cheating? The good or the bad? What if Cindy got angry with her or refused to talk to her about it? What if it only made it all worse?

Only one way to find out.

Cindy hadn't moved from her spot when Max re-entered the living room. Max sat on the couch beside her, pulling her legs up and crossing them. Cindy looked at her quickly out of the corner of her eye, then put the bottle of polish on the coffee table and turned to face her fully.

"What is it? What's wrong, boo?" Max almost laughed. She should have known Cindy would see her discomfort before she said anything. She was still for a moment, trying to think how she could say what she wanted, no, needed, to say.

"I did a bad thing, Cin." Her best friend raised an eyebrow.

"What kind of bad thing are we talkin' here?" said Cindy, slowly. "Because with you, that could have a whole dictionary of definitions." Max considered that.

"Boy bad."

"All boys are bad, you're gonna need to be more specific." Though the words were light, Cindy wasn't smiling.

"Alec. We…" Max stared very hard at her lap. When Cindy didn't say anything, Max looked at her again. She didn't need to say more, but Cindy's face was unreadable. If she was upset, angry, judging, weirded out, hell even just a little surprised, she was being very careful not to show it. "I really need you to say something."

"You slept with Alec?"

"Yeah."

"What about… I thought you and Logan were okay?" Max reached into her jacket pocket.

"We're better than okay." She said, holding the ring out on her palm. Cindy looked from Max's face to the glittering item in her hand. Cautiously, she took it and held it up in front of her face. She gave a low whistle.

"When did this…"

"Last night." Max replied.

"And Alec…"

"Last night." Max repeated. Cindy held the ring back out to her, and Max slipped it back into her pocket.

"That's quite a mess you're in." she stated. Max nodded. She hated not being able to read Cindy's reaction. She felt adrift, not sure what to say or how to act. "I always had a feeling that you and Alec had a connection, but Boo, the timing…"

"I know." Max agreed quietly.

"Does Alec know? About the ring?"

"He does. He didn't, when it… but he does now."

"Which came first?" Max frowned. "Alec or the ring? Which was first?"

"Logan." Max admitted. She tried not to acknowledge the wave of guilt that accompanied the admission.

"Hence the bad."

"Hence the bad." She agreed. "Do you hate me?" she asked tentatively. "Do you think I'm a terrible person?" Cindy cocked her head at that and her expression softened.

"I could never hate you, and it's not my place to judge your choices." She reached out and squeezed her friend's hand. "I'm just surprised, is all. I always thought you and Logan had this big love. The two of you have fought so hard for it, for so long. I thought that he was what you wanted. That the ring you're hiding in your pocket was where the two of you were headed. That any vibes I was getting between you and Alec would always fade away when you and Logan got your happy ending."

"I didn't even realise there were vibes."

"Tension, then. Pretty boy and all." Max pushed away the images that flooded in from last night. Pretty boy didn't quite do it justice.

"What do I do now?" There was no one else in the world that Max could imagine asking that question, and Cindy squeezed her hand again.

"You love him, right? Logan?"

"Yes." Said Max, in a small voice.

"Then you gotta figure this out, Boo. Because you've never been wasteful since I knew you, and I don't think you'd throw that away unless you got some good reason in here." Cindy pressed her fist to chest, over her heart. "Or in here." She touched a finger to her temple. Max blinked, the rest of her body too frozen by the words to react.

"Then…" she took a breath before she met Cindy's eyes again, "why?" Cindy shook head and gave a small shrug, lips pressed lightly together.

"I know how sparingly you give love away, Max. And how sparingly you accept it. But I can't answer the question of why you did what you did. Just like I can't tell you who you should want to be with. But if something in you is shying away from Logan right now, you need to figure out if its outta fear or something deeper than that. Only you can know if what you and Logan have is… I don't wanna use this word, but, broken. Or if you want to save it." Max felt tears welling, and closed her eyes to try and shut them down. She felt Cindy lean in, and then her best friend's arms were around her. Familiarity. Comfort. Love she understood.

She was scared, and not because she knew she would lose everything that she'd spent so long building with Logan. Though that was there too of course. She was scared because when she peeked into the rabbit hole that was her and Alec, it wasn't a black hole to who-knew-where. It was familiar, like Cindy. It was a path that she knew too well to fear, because it was Alec for all his goodness and all his flaws.

It was a remarkably easy path for her to trace.

And besides, this wasn't a choice based on courage alone.

But she had choices, bleak as they were. Tell Logan. Risk losing everything. He might be noble about it, try to brush it off as a lapse in judgement. Nothing was insurmountable in their relationship, they'd proved that. But then she'd lose Alec, even as a friend. Even if he, too, tried to be noble about it and still wanted to stay friends. It would just be too weird for the married lady to hang out with the guy she'd cheated with, right? If she tried, the strain on her and Logan might be too much anyway.

She could tell Logan, and not let him brush it off. But then, he might not do that anyway. He had every right to feel betrayed, because she had betrayed him. He had every right to never forgive her. She still wasn't sure that she would forgive herself. And if it broke down with Logan, would she turn to Alec then? Did she even want to? Would he want her to? Would he still want her, if he thought he was her second choice?

"Fuck." Max whispered.


End file.
